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One of the things the pandemic has forced us all to do is stay at home with our loved ones for longer periods than we might have first anticipated. Throw in all the stresses of working from a set location and not being able to go out and it’s normal to feel more stress with your partner when working from home.
Working from home can cause relationship problems. 45% of people surveyed felt working from home is damaging their relationship. This is mainly due to people spending more time with their partner than before, not communicating effectively, not balancing household duties equally, and not speaking about their financial situation openly.
So why do people have relationship problems when working from home? How many people struggle with their relationship working remotely? And is there anything you can do to avoid these problems? Keep reading to find out more!
(Just a heads up a lot of people reading my blog are in the process of designing their own home office. If you want to save some of the painstaking time I did in designing my office, you can find my recommended products here)
Communicate with each other
This is just a great tip for anyone regardless if they are in a relationship or not.
A lot of us like to think we are excellent communicators, getting our points across in a distinct way with a beginning, middle, and end like the best storytellers in Hollywood.
The truth of the matter is a lot of us are just plain bad at getting our points across and miss communicating often.
Poor communication then is one of the largest reasons that people can have relationship problems when working from home. Lack of understanding or communication can lead to things like a negative perspective of your partner, turning away from them in an attempt to be seen.
This can lead to serious arguments or worse, the breakdown of a relationship.
So how do you communicate better when working from home with your partner?
I’ve found the following tend to work best:
- Pick up on non-verbal clues – not everything your partner will say will come across in their body language.
- Set a time to talk about serious topics – no one likes to have a deep conversation when they are trying to unwind or in the middle of a task.
- Ask open-ended questions – ask them questions they can’t say yes or no to, think who where what where why.
- Tell them what you need from them – a lot of us are too afraid to say what it is we want to our partners, your partner is sn;t a mind reader to tell them exactly what it is you are feeling and what you need from them.
Give each other a break
According to the office for national statistics, people are spending more time together with their family members than ever before with us having more than 44 minutes with our loved ones.
This is 44 minutes more than we had before.
Add on top of this the fact that since lockdown a lot of us have been working from home together sharing 8+ hours a day in the same vicinity than we would have before.
it’s a lot easier then, for small habits and things which you might not have noticed before may start to wear thin on you.
A lot of couples think they need to make the most of the opportunity and spend every minute of every day together but this isn’t true.
Instead, give yourself a break from each other, it’s important you both have your separate hobbies and activities that you enjoy outside of your relationship.
The old saying is that distance makes the heart go stronger and having a bit of time away for your partner to focus on what you like will make you come back feeling refreshed and ready to catch up with your partner.
Make one hour per day for each other
On some occasions when couples are both working from home together, they can have a habit of overworking, reducing the amount of face time they have with you.
This can be surprising but on average remote workers work 16.8 days more per year than their office-based counterparts.
As such I would recommend if possible to keep 30 minutes to one-hour free per day, away from work where you can just switch off and connect with each other.
This can be just watching TV or better yet go out and do a task together which will help maintain your bond.
Most relationships aren’t made up of what you see on TV and movies and instead require maintenance every day to work and so by spending a bit of time together every day away from your job will mean you have time to focus on what is most important.
Avoid taking your phones into the bedroom
This is something I’m super guilty of.
On average people spend 3 hours and 15 minutes on their phones every day according to research from Rescue Time.
Whilst some time on your phone is fine, you and I can both see that’s a little bit too much. Staring at your in bed before your sleep can actually cause problems with you falling asleep due to the blue light.
It can also damage your relationship.
How?
With both of you working from home, you don’t have that much time to catch up during the day. As such in bed, just before you go to sleep is one of the few times you might have free time during the weekdays to catch up with each other.
An hour before bed try to avoid using your phone and use the time to cozy up with your partner and catch up.
Make sure you have a date night once per week
Any of you who have had the pleasure of living with your partner for more than a few months knows just how easily things fall into a routine.
Whether it is doing the chores, seeing other family and friends, or just falling into the rut of life.
Whilst this is no one’s fault it can be super easy to become complacent and forget all about doing the thing that first attracted you to your partner… dating them!
As such try to keep some money aside once per week for a date night away from work and living together where you can get dressed up and go out.
Try to avoid scheduling this as you want it to be spontaneous but try to stick to once per week.
Get up an hour earlier if you have kids
Working from home is tough enough as it is with your partner let alone throwing kids into the mix.
Kids can be notoriously difficult to manage when you’re trying to work from home and can add to any relationship problems you may be facing due to working in such close proximity with your partner.
My solution if you’re blessed with a few little terrors running around would be to try and get up an hour earlier.
Kids need to sleep between 9-12 hours per day and so getting up an hour earlier will give you and your partner time to connect and just be a couple before the worries of work and managing your kids takes place.
Now if you’re interested in reading up more about how to manage kids when working from home check out my post on it.
Start a hobby together you both enjoy
It’s important when you’re a couple to be your one person and have your own separate interests away from each other.
That being said I would definitely recommend an activity that you both enjoy to help further build your bond.
I mean let’s face it, being cooped up for 8 hours with anyone day after day working from home can wear even the best of us down so why not get out of the house and do a hobby you both might enjoy.
Sit down and make a list with your partner on all the things you would love to do and take any off the list you both might not enjoy, some recommendation I can think of include:
- Archery
- Martial arts
- Dancing
- Baking classes
- Learning a new language
- Start a running club
- Stick sports
In my opinion, though it’s worth doing an activity or starting a hobby you can do outdoors which gets you away from your house.
Speak about money problems
Whilst a lot of us love working from home, with the increased flexibility and ability to manage our own schedules, it does have some significant downsides including lack of communication and worsened wellbeing for some.
One of the biggest areas we remote workers get stressed out over is finances, with a lot of us who work from home thinking that we are the first on the chopping block should our companies go through a period of uncertainty.
Financial uncertainty is also one of the biggest causes of relationship problems with 71% of people admitting to this.
As such sharing your finances with each other and communicating about your finances needs to be something you do more openly, you’ll find that being honest and open about it will nip any future problems you may have in the bud.
Seek counseling
So if you are finding working from home is causing significant problems and you’ve tried to address the issues by using some of the items laid out in this post it may be time to seek professional help.
While a lot of us scoff at counseling, it can help route out long-held problems with your relationship that you and your partner might not be aware of.
For example, if only one of you is working from home, your partner may be feeling resentful that you get to spend more time at home and unsure how to communicate this.
Whilst I would avoid involving family and friends in some of the rough patches of your relationship, seeing a licensed couples therapist could be a fantastic option to help you get a true understanding of the pain points in your relationship.
Finish work when you would normally
As mentioned, one of the major problems we remote workers have when working from home is that we have a habit of overworking.
A lot of us feel as though it is a privilege not a right to work from home and so want to make the most of the opportunity to prove to our respective managers that we are working hard and not saving on the job.
This often leads to us working longer hours working on average 1.4 days more per month than our traditional coworkers.
This can often lead to burnout giving us less time to spend with our partners potentially causing relationship issues.
It’s important when working from home that you finish work when you would normally finish in the office and use the time you would normally get back to connect with your partner.
At the end of the day, work will always be there but your partner may not.
Try to have separate workspaces
One of the major benefits of working from home is that you can set up your own designated workspace.
Having a home office will allow you to focus on your work and avoid any unnecessary distractions, keeping you productive.
Now for couples, it’s definitely worth setting up your own sep[erate workspaces or home offices if you have the room for it.
This is because you might find yourselves getting in the way of each other especially if you have tasks that require a lot of quiet like making calls or zoom meetings.
If you can I would consider splitting up your office into two separate rooms.
So what is the best room for a home office? I’ve written a post you can read up more about it here but to summarize the best option would be a loft conversion which can improve your home value by 20%
If you live in an apartment and don’t have a lot of spare room for multiple home offices, consider splitting your living space where one of you works from a corner in the bedroom and the other person works from the living space.
So what should your home office consist of?
I would recommend all home offices or workspaces have the following:
All of which you can find on my recommended gear page.
Now if you want to get really specific I would consider painting your workspace a shade of blue which has been scientifically proven to be the best color for a home office – you can read up more about it here or check out the infographic below.
Understand that you and your partner are different
This is probably the most controversial topic on the list.
If you and your partner are of the opposite sex you need to understand the differences in psychology amongst couples.
Men are more geared towards problem-solving so if there are problems in a relationship, we are geared more towards wanting to solve the problem immediately.
Women make decisions more from an emotional perspective and so will come to a decision based on their feelings more and how it impacts them.
Often at times a lot of the reasons we have problems with our partners is that we just don’t understand that they think differently to us – it’s actually pretty trippy to be the same species and yet have a completely different way of thinking.
Consider Youtube
So for a lot of us, when we have problems with our partners, marriage or relationship counseling is one of the first things that we turn to.
This can however turn into a costly endeavor with some professionals charging hundreds of dollars for an hour of their time.
A great alternative to this would be to use Youtube as a resource.
Whilst there are definitely a lot of scammers out there aiming to sell expensive products you don’t need there are a few diamonds in the rough that offer great relationship advice.
My recommendation would be dating guys and the love chat, both of which I’ve listed videos of below.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyVEzIH_iJo
Split up household duties
One of the largest reasons people have relationship issues is due to household chores and duties.
When at work it’s likely you have a schedule on who does what around the house based on who finishes work earlier.
For example, when doing the weekly shop it’s likely whether you or your partner does this on the commute back from work.
By no longer going into the office these things are exacerbated and it’s not uncommon for your home to get dirtier and dished to be left in the sink adding to pressure in your relationship.
In a situation like this then it’s important to split these tasks evenly.
Make a list of all the times you and your partner are free for a week and all the chores that need to be done.
List out the chore you hate the most and what you don’t mind doing. Be fair and stick to a schedule and before you know it you’ve taken one of the major relationship problems couples face when working from home out of the equation.
Master scheduling
As a lot of you have not worked from home with your partner before, a lot of the time you will find you step on each other’s feet…metaphorically speaking of course because that sounds painful!
You both might need the bathroom at the same time, need to use your home office printer together, or drain your internet data just when your partner needs it the most.
As such, it’s super important to come up with a plan, and scheduling I’ve found is one of the best options to do this.
Think of everything you need to do during your work week and schedule a time to do this that does not clash with your partners.
Once you’ve done this it’s super important to schedule some time in with your partner as well to ensure that no matter what, you are getting some time in for one another.
Check on your partner’s mental health
One of the biggest things we remote workers face, especially since the pandemic has been poorer wellbeing.
Usually working from home is pretty tough but throw the pandemic into the mix where everything on the outside world is closed and you’re forced to spend every minute of every day with your partner it’s easy for both of your mental health to deteriorate.
A recent study found that only 16% of remote workers felt they had positive mental health working from home because of the pandemic.
It may sound cheesy but check in with your partner every day. Get them to rate the day and how they are feeling on a scale of 1-10.
You can then see if there are any patterns during the week so you can be more attentive to your partner.
For example, if your partner has huge meetings once per week that they always struggle with then you know to check in with them more.
Set up a time for your kids
It’s no surprise that children can lead to a lot of problems in relationships.
Some couples feel that their partners are not pulling their weight when it comes to their kids and so it’s important that both of you schedule and direct the time for your kids.
Raising children can be one of the most rewarding things people can do in their lives and so sit down with your partner, have an in-depth discussion about what it is you want to get out of your kids whilst you both work from home.
With children, I find that it’s important to both have time with your kids together and apart to also give your partner a break.
Communicate your needs effectively
So we’ve talked about how poor communication and miscommunication are two of the biggest reasons that people have problems with their partners when working from home.
But what about communicating what you want and need from your partner.
I’ve found the best way to do this is by doing the following:
- Set up a safe space to discuss what you want free from judgment.
- Come up with an agenda about everything that you want to discuss before you catch up with your partner so you are caught off guard.
- Get your partner’s thoughts on what you just communicated to ensure they understood your point.
- Come up with a timescale to catch up about what you communicated in the future to see if you are both acting upon the outcome of your catch up.
Get dressed in the morning
Human beings only have a set amount of motivation and decision making per day and so it’s super easy to fall into a rut when working from home.
Getting lazy in taking care of yourself like taking a shower or getting dressed can rub off on your partner, creating an atmosphere where neither one of you wants to do anything.
One of the easiest things you can do then is to get dressed in the morning before you start work.
This sets your day up correctly and gets you in the process of feeling productive.
This should help create an atmosphere of getting stuff done, helping you both get over any laziness that may have crept in working from home.
Don’t let your partners work stress become your own
One of the things as people we’re quite bad at is thinking everything is about is.
If the companies we work for are performing poorly we think that it’s because of us. When something bad happens in our neighborhood we think we might have been able to do something to prevent it and of course when our partner is going through a tough time we feel as though it is our fault.
The truth is that a lot of the problems people have in their relationships when working from home are often external, be it work stress or something else going on with your partner.
Whilst we should always try to be there to listen to our partners and understand what they are going through, it’s important to try not to let your partner’s stress become our own. Doing so will make you anxious which will likely rub off on them making the situation worse.
Instead, give them the time and space they need to ask for your advice and let them overcome the challenge they are facing themselves.
Prioritize your relationship
Anyone who has been with their partner for any significant period of time knows just how easy it is for other things to take priority.
You stop spending as much time with each other through no fault of either member of the relationship and sooner or later you start developing relationship problems.
When working from home then you have the opportunity to prioritize your relationship. Catch up on the things you missed.
A nice way of doing this could be as simple as taking lunch together, going for a mid-day walk, or setting up an activity for both of you to do right at the end of the workday.
At the end of the day, neither of you know how long you will be working from home or have this much time with your partner again so it’s important that you both use the time you have with each other to prioritize your time.
Find new ways to connect
A lot of the time, complacency when working from home is the biggest reason that couples have relationship problems.
If this is something you’re going to do, one of the best things you can do is to simply find new ways to connect.
Starting a hobby together is always a great option but consider other things such as writing each other inspiring notes, going for that holiday you always wanted to, helping each other with work or doing one thing that you’ve each been fearful to do.
Often at times, couples have problems working from home not because of the other person, but because their day to day lives and responsibilities have taken some of the fun out of this.
Finding a new way to connect can then be a great option to bring some of this fun back.
Understand that a relationship is something that you have to work on
Easily the biggest misconception that people have about relationships is that everything is perfect and that the moment something is off you must have done something wrong.
The truth is movies, and TV shows have brainwashed generations of the public is pretty much what not to do in a relationship.
Anyone who has seen the hit Netflix series YOU knows that if you tried doing any of what goes on in that show in real life you’d end up in jail, and yet people feel as though this is what caring for each other means.
Understand that arguments are normal and that the only easy you overcome challenges is by heading straight first into them.
Just aim to do one thing better every day and understand that you are in the relationship for the long term.
Have red lines that you won’t cross
So if you and your partner have been working from home for a while and you are having severe relationship problems then it’s important to bring to their attention when they have crossed the line.
Having boundaries that your partner will respect will make them see you as an equal as opposed to taking them for granted and so it’s important to have these rules in place.
These rules will be specific to you and your partner but it kind of goes without saying that cheating, abuse, or anything illegal should be some deal-breakers.
Be patient
Finally, like everything else in life, it’s important to be patient.
Relationships are hard work and there is a reason that most of them will fail. people just aren’t willing to do the work.
Working from home is an adjustment and doing so with a partner can definitely have its challenges but taking the to follow some of these tips and understand that it’s a marathon, not a spirit it will set you up for success going forward.
So now you know how to deal with relationship problems caused by working from home, let’s answer some FAq that couples have about working from home together.
How many people have relationship problems working from home?
45% of people report difficulties, problems, and challenges in their relationships since one or both parties have started working from home. The major reasons include miscommunication, lack of scheduling, work stress, and one partner taking more responsibility for household chores.
How many relationships end in divorce?
40% to 50% of marriages in the USA end in divorce. This divorce rate is even higher for subsequent marriages. The major reasons cited are infidelity, domestic violence, substance abuse arguments, and conflict.
How many couples are working from home at the moment?
There are 2.15 million people who work from home with their partners on a permanent basis. This is about 50% of employees who work from home permanently.
During the height of the COVID-19 pandemic around 64% or 105 million people of the US workforce were working from home. Using Pew Research that 50% of people are currently in a relationship or married an estimated 52 million people were working from home with their partners.
Why does working from home cause relationship problems?
Working from home can cause relationship problems due to but not limited to the following reasons:
- Increased domestic abuse
- Increased drug usage
- Miscommunication
- Increased infidelity
- Boredom
- Lack of drive and ambition
- Increased arguments and conflict
- Couples spending more time together then they originally anticipated
- Not scheduled enough time for each other
- Having inadequate workspace
- Financial troubles
- Lack of responsibility
- Work stress
Can working too much ruin a relationship?
Working too much can ruin a relationship as you will not spend enough time with your partner. The guilt associated with working long hours whilst giving up time with your significant other can cause resentment, lack of attention, and relationship breakdown.
Can working from home be good for your relationship?
Studies have found that couples who work from home together make better decisions, argue less, and are reported to have lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone) than people who work from home alone. Couples who work from home have the added benefit of spending more time with each other.
A lot of people reading my blog want to know what products I recommend for a home office/remote working. You can find out my recommendations here and learn how I make money whilst working remotely on the side here.
